Clutter: Detoxing from the BS in our lives

Clutter.

1. a confused or disordered state or collection. 2. a confused multitude of things.
3. unwanted echoes that interfere with the observation of signals on a radar screen.
American heritage dictionary

I have a young cousin named Lauren who mistakenly misspelled the word thing as thag. And in the normal tradition of my family (specifically my mom and two aunts who conference call with me every single night) we adapted this misquote and added another “saying” to our vocabulary.

So, the thag is this. Clutter. I saw an organization expert yesterday on Oprah who said that two thirds of the country is living in clutter behind closed doors that have reached a crisis point. At first I was astonished to consider this because I’m the type of person who literally can’t function in disarray. I mean, before even sitting to write this blog, there were a few things I had to do in order to sit peacefully and un-bugged. For instance, I felt the need to put away the dishes that sat in another room feeling like they would pull my energy away from the task at hand if they remained there drying. Same thing with the green pen lying on my desk that I felt needed putting away in exchange for a blue pen because I was tired of writing with green. Finally I had to make sure my bamboo plant, and computer speakers were angled properly so that I could feel clean, clear, distraction free! I also changed the direction of the shoes that line the front entrance of my apartment just because it would make me feel better. Compulsive? I don’t know, but I think you get the point.

But the thag is, upon closer inspection I realize this sense of myself being unable to move freely in clutter is not completely true. Not true if we consider that our homes are not the only things that can be in a disordered state. There is plenty of room to overstuff our lives with junk including in our relationships, our bodies, our goal planning, creative processes, spiritual practices and finally our personal narratives. Well Jodi, (we – my father’s side of the family – say this with a long drawn out southern accent whenever we are simply outdone) I see a yellow light flashing, and if many of you are like me, you need to watch for the warning signals too.

Seriously, how many of you are hanging on to things in your life that should have been long disposed of? Are you hanging on to friendships that are nonreciprocal? (Been there, done that!) What about clogging your focus with the personal development of another human being that “ain’t” your child? Check. Then, as Webster defines clutter, there’s the pervasive trend to fill our lives with things in a disorderly manner. How many of us attempt to fill voids in our lives with inappropriate partners, or vain ambitions or the latest fashions, books, food, drugs, gurus, sermons, anti-depressants or any multitude of things? We’ve all done it. Many of us continue to without realizing the toll it takes on us physically, spiritually and psychologically. That void or rather our personal and difficult confrontations with feelings of hollowness can be addressed in much healthier manners. Instead of cluttering our lives until the point that we’re busting at the seams, we can choose to confront the underlying issues in our lives that often times go unresolved and wreak havoc.

Here are some suggestions to begin un-stuffing the emotional clutter of your life.

1. Do a personal inventory. Make a mental list of everything that needs to go. This will be necessary in every area of your life. Allow yourself to sense the places, people, situations that adversely affect you. When you feel uneasy, stressed, or depressed with a certain person, or in a particular environment, or in certain situations, this is a sure sign that an energy drain is occurring. As my mom would say, walk the dog! Do what you gotta do to make some radical changes. Cut some people loose. Get a new job. Find a diplomatic way to get something off your chest that’s long overdue – it’s ALWAYS okay to establish, and re-establish personal boundaries when necessary.

2. Get help. This is often times the hardest thing to do, but can have the greatest impact on your personal wellbeing. Although change is a constant part of life, it is difficult to navigate for most of us. There is nothing wrong with seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist to help you sort through the emotional clutter that compromise your sanity. Perhaps quite literally, you need the help of a professional organizer to help transform your home into a personal oasis, or a Life Coach to help synchronize your personal and professional goals. Whatever it is, don’t chew your cabbage twice. Stop talking about the problem and get on with getting the help you need.
3. Be kind to yourself. Please show yourself some compassion. De-cluttering can bring up a number of hidden issues. Our lives don’t reflect chaos because we are bad people or something is inherently wrong with us. The chaos is always a representation of something going on at a deeper level. And often times what’s bleeding on that deeper level is quite painful. You are not alone. None of us are insulated from the hazard of being broken while we live. It’s soooo okay to take the time and find the process you need to most successfully heal yourself, change your life. In the meantime, breathe. Cry. Release your inhibitions and the habit of caring about what other people think.
4. Take baby steps. When we first begin to do a personal inventory of what we need to let go of, we can easily become overwhelmed. There’s just so much stuff in our inboxes, mailboxes, basements, attics, relationships, etc. Decide to tackle one area of your life at a time. And make an agreement with yourself to do one little thing each day, or week (whatever feels comfortable for you) that will have a direct impact on clearing out your life. And then stick to that regiment by continuing to get rid of something different until all the rubbish is gone.

It really can be rejuvenating. I know for sure because I tried it again last week. Although embarrassing to admit, and my girlfriend and I had a fab laugh about it, I just parted with a gift given by an ex-beau from 1991. Not so bad that it was a gift, right? But the thag is, it was a cute little, very innocent red lingerie top and bottom that had become so worn 10 years ago that I had to pin both shoulder straps after they’d torn from repeated washing. (I didn’t care, it was satin so the red color never faded – holla!) But the thag that broke the straw happened last week on the 4th of July when I decided it should be my personal independence day. I woke up with the intention of cleaning out any closets, files and notebooks that needed de-cluttering so I could be clean, clear, distraction free. (You know me, right) Well Jodi, there wasn’t any clutter to clean – that I could clearly see anyway. Fab, I thought.

It wasn’t until later that night after getting out of a delicious shower and feeling lovely that I realized I did have some clutter that had been overlooked for years. When I went to step into my 16 year-old red, satin PJ set, I realized 1/2 of the crotch had been torn in the last laundry cycle. Urgh! Now you know I did not want to part with those babies. I could hear the thoughts flooding my head, “oh, just ask ma to sew it”, or “wait ‘til the other 1/2 tares, they still fit.” And in a moment of clarity, I pushed those thoughts aside and realized I had kept this worn out gift from an ex-beau through every relationship that followed. In fact, after a quick personal inventory, I realized I’d kept and worn a torn (repeated wear) gown of my grandmother’s from the time she’d passed and a number of other clothing articles for years. Too many years.

Clutter is often about the past or future, and both directions rob us of being in the present. The goal: to stop being stuck in the past and future. Be here, now. As for me, I gathered and dropped off 4 bags of clothing in the Salvation Army bin in my neighborhood last week. And after last week’s incident, I finally parted with the red satin PJ top too. You gotta start somewhere.

Neycha

Personal growth is a choice. What are you choosing?
www.tobeconscious.com

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