Election Day 2008 in my hood – Part 1, 2 & 3

Full Spectrum presents…THE SURVIVORS

“How do we continue after facing the unthinkable?”

A discussion with four creators whose work reflects a personal experience with crisis. See www.fsexperience.com for more! To learn more about Neycha’s White Noise Project, visit www.tobearwitness.org.

HINDSIGHT IS 20/20

2.4.08

There’s something odd about endings. They seem to give birth to heavy bouts of good ol’ fashion guilt – a useless emotion. If you don’t believe it’s a complete waste of energy, take Wayne Dyer’s suggestion from his book Your Erroneous Zones, and spend the rest of your day feeling guilty and see if it changes the past. It won’t. Guilt cannot alter history.

It goes without saying that with the passing of time, we are often provided with the gift of retrospective insight. And with it we see a situation more clearly than we did in real time. Hindsight is 20/20 and perhaps indicative of the universe’s sarcasm. When we rake back over the past, it’s easy to pinpoint the places in our lives where we wish we had acted or done things differently. We naturally want to revise history and apply our new-found wisdom to the past. But it’s too late. Yesterday really IS over.

You can allow your guilt to define the rest of your life or you can let yourself off the hook for having not acted in ways that reflected your higher self. Do not stay bound to the energy that connects you to your mistakes. Forgive yourself. It’s crucial to your well-being. Be creative. Whatever you wish you had said – say it. Whatever you wish you had done – do it. Then let it go. There’s plenty of right now to pay attention to.

-neycha

Song to rock the concept:
SOUL FREE

CD:
RAHSAAN PATTERSON, Rahsaan Patterson

Click below to listen:
Soul Free

SURRENDER IN 2008

1.22.08

“You say you wanna be free. You gotta let go of the shit that holds you down.”
Toni Morrison

Surrender your fears.
Surrender your tendency to blame.
Surrender your predisposition toward over-analysis, under-analysis.
Surrender your need to always be right, or good, or preferred.
Surrender your fears.
Surrender your ambition.
Surrender your immobility.
Surrender your fears.
Surrender your lies about life, other, self.
Surrender your fears.
Surrender your regrets.
Surrender your fears.
Surrender your need to know.
Surrender your refusal to know, see, or act.
Surrender your fears.
Surrender your fears.
Surrender your fears.

Be here now.
Surrender your fears.
Act from love.

-neycha

Song to rock the concept:
SURRENDER

CD:
VIBRATOR, Terrence Trent D’Arby

Click below to listen:
Surrender

HOW MUCH “HUMAN” CAN YOU TOLERATE?

12.13.07
There are few things as challenging as forgiving someone; fewer still if the offender has not directly asked for our forgiveness. We often hold onto our anger over being hurt (or disrespected, offended, overlooked, you feel in the blank) believing somehow that we are punishing the offender for his or her actions. We revise the narrative of what they did wrong to us over and over again – sometimes out loud, and often in our heads -where the most damage is done. This dramatic habit grows untold resentments. Carrying anger around as a testament to you “being right” or as an indication of someone else “being wrong” is wasted energy. It doesn’t change the facts of what happened. Whether carried 12 years, 12 months or 12 days, in the end anger only cost the one holding it, not the one it is projected onto.

Perhaps the biggest challenge is not getting over what people have done to hurt us, rather accepting the exasperating fact that people, even those we love, have the potential to hurt us deeply by doing really stupid things. To live is to screw up somewhere, with someone over something hardly worth it. We’ve all done it, and the beat goes on. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can absorb the flawed nature of human beings. Confucius said “to be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” Choose to give someone the gift of forgiveness today. It is a gift that will perhaps relieve them, but certainly release you.
-neycha

Song to rock the concept:
Sorry for the stupid things

CD:
GROWN AND SEXY, Babyface

Click below:

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THE “GOOD GIRL” HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

11.16.07
To share kindness with another is beautiful. To make one’s self available to other people’s needs is an equally enduring quality. But when the desire to please others clouds our ability to answer to our own needs, we no longer belong to ourselves. The longing to be liked and validated by others is a relentless binding energy – a ridiculous self-imposed prison. By continually anticipating and acting on behalf of everyone else’s needs, likes, wants, preferences etc., we forget to be present with our own heartfelt desires. This disconnectedness gives rise to unbalanced relationships that drain us of our time, energy and resources. Often, we look around and realize we’ve been so busy trying to be everything to everybody, that we’ve trained people to forget that we too have needs.

There is a difference between being selfless (consciously giving of our selves in a balanced way) and self-less (completely oblivious to and disrespectful of our own needs). Being a “good girl” is passé. There ain’t nothing sexy about being a people pleaser. Stop bleeding for others. Get your needs met. Make sure at least one individual is being attentive to you – and that starts with the person in the mirror.
-neycha

Song to rock the concept:
100 WAYS TO BE A GOOD GIRL by skunk anansie

CD:

PARANOID AND SUNBURNT

 

Click below:
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

THE ILLUSION OF TIME

11.8.07
THE ILLUSION OF TIME

“Man lives by time. Inventing the future has been his favorite game of escape. Problems exist only in time – that is when we meet an issue incompletely. To face a challenge partially or without our complete attention is to bring about a problem. And the problem remains as long as we continue to give it incomplete attention hoping to solve it one of these days. Time doesn’t bring order or peace. There is no tomorrow for us to be peaceful in. We have to be orderly on the instant. When there is real danger time disappears, doesn’t it? There is immediate action.” (Krishnamurti paraphrased)

What situations require immediate action in your life? What changes are you waiting for on the sideline? Ah, how has being this passive served you? The illusion of tomorrow feeds our tendency to procrastinate. Time doesn’t alleviate our problems, we do. We progress by doing what needs to be done regardless of the imagined consequences. Although simple and highly recommended, it is not easy. Disturb the groove – especially if it helps you find your flow TODAY.

Song to rock the concept:
WHAT IS THIS

 

CD:
THE DIRTY SIDE UP

 

Free download today:
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WALK THE DOG

11.1.07
Walk the dog
(my mom’s way of saying “get on with it!”)

 

Stop lying. There is nothing righteous about pretending. To tell the truth about who you are, where you are and what you want from your life is an everyday act of courage. It is a choice to be fearless. Communicating what is real for you, in any given moment, is an exercise in freedom. When you are neither defined by what other’s think nor moved to action by what they expect, your life belongs to you. It is this personal ownership that paves the way for authentic self-definition. Who or what is running your life? If it’s not you or something you’ve chosen, change it. Walk the dog!

SONG TO ROCK THE CONCEPT:
Wholly

 

CD:
the dirty side up

 

OWN IT FOR 99cents:
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Campaign for Authentic Self-Definition, Part 1.

Campaign for Authentic Self-Definition

Part 1.

“Everyday Transformers: The making of a superhero;
risk taking and shape shifting”

On my radar the last few weeks – - people with the moxie to live authentic lives; those super humans, by my estimation anyway, who’ve found a way to manhandle the risks and challenges of life and use them in super grand ways.

Picture it. A woman born in the 1930’s who came of age in the 50’s, an era of conformity and rampant conservatism. An extra 300 pounds and a colostomy bag worn because of colon cancer marred her adolescent body. Rather than efface herself because of these physical dilemmas sadly often ostracized by mainstream society, she used them. A lover of adventure with an appetite for the unusual, she joined the circus.

Always free-spirited and enterprising, she launched her own line of designer shoes, Bootstraps™, for extra large people 10 years later. She never looked back. She did not abbreviate her passions for the purpose of meeting the status quo. Nor did she allow herself to be struck out by the numerous curve balls thrown by life. She lived deliberately holding herself accountable only to the vision she held of herself and the life she desired to create. That woman was my great aunt. And I have been fabulously blessed to know many others like her – - people who are consciously rebellious, audacious and wildly creative.

There have been the scores of clients I’ve worked with over the years who hold steadfast to creative entrepreneurship in spite of courting bankruptcy because to do anything else would collapse the life moving in them. The full flock of musicians, filmmakers, writers and actors I know and love who float between part-time gigs and the full-on hustle required by anyone trying to manifest their creative work in the world – all of them understanding those shots in the dark guarantees nothing. Finally, there are the modern day gypsies – artisans, sailors, storytellers – who are among some of those closest in my life who seem to move with the wind, sacrificing a 401(k) and a “room of one’s own” because they place a higher value on those things in life that are priceless. And even though many would deem their actions impractical or irresponsible – these people, for better or worse, are my tribe. For everyone else, there’s MasterCard and the general consensus to play along – especially if it promises social validation and spares us from being judged.

Living an authentic life is not for the faint of heart. It’s difficult enough to step outside the herd, particularly to forfeit all of the assurances we have been conditioned to believe we would be incomplete without. More difficult still is to design your own path of action because originality provides no blueprint. This is the great risk, and the common ground shared by all who refuse to buy into pre-fabricated lives. This resistance costs many of us in ways that can’t be measured by conversation alone. To do your own thag requires constant guts, constant imagination, constant conviction. Unrelenting faith.

For me, and many of my friends, remaining undaunted by the nebulous financial assurances of self-employment and the subsequent challenges like home ownership, time for serious relationships, yearly vacations, etc. is an ongoing battle. Still it is a burden I’d much rather bare if it will help me leave this world one day knowing that I spent my life making choices that reflected the truth of who I chose to be and not what the court of public opinion decided for me. Although this way of being in the world doesn’t necessarily add consistent cash to my bank account (i can hear my momma saying “MONEY HONEY!”), it certainly advances my self-hood. And on my super human days, that makes it worth it for me.

When I’m feeling depleted and doubtful about the path I’ve chosen, I remember all my clients who – for the last 10 years – have graciously allowed me to share in their eradication of fears and advancement of goals. If I’m in turmoil about my personal dreams and how helplessly bound I am to them, I remember my artist friends (those who’ve hit the mark and those still aiming) who march on because they’d rather die having lived for something they believed in than live believing in nothing.

Some say that life is an adventure or nothing at all. My gypsy friend’s lives remind me that there is no grander challenge than to be committed to the moment – the marvelous unfolding of such a rich life in tiny little seconds and sunsets that bleed all over. I want to be on that ride – where I am present and attentive to the passions of my heart and imaginative enough to transform the traumas that come my way. I want to do this because I can. Because it’s literally in my bloodline (and yours too – search it out). In fact, I have no choice but do it because I haven’t been able to reconcile fading into the general meaninglessness of the collective voice.

In spite of my fears, occasional self-pity and pouting spells, I will continue to campaign for authentic self-definition. I will take whatever life throws at me and use it for my greater good. I am a transformer. I am my aunt Doris.

Tips for authentic living.
1. Excuse the popular opinion of “they say”
2. Identify your values in life
3. Find out what makes you tick, and what prevents you from ticking
4. Determine your cutting edge
5. Imagine a vision of yourself and the life you’d like to lead
6. Create a vision board, complete with necessary action steps
7. Begin a practice that helps you stay in touch with and motivated by your self-vision/life-vision
8. Connect to your vision in an emotional and spiritual way
9. Find a cheerleader and an inspirational character (real, imagined, dead or alive
10. Be steadfast

How to ignite the transformer in you.
Identify the challenges in your life that weigh you down (people, places, situations, sickness, etc.) See what wisdom, self-knowledge, skill, or lesson they are providing. Use it to expand.

Need help?
If you need assistance with any of these tips, please feel free to shoot me an email at neycha@tobeconscious.com. I love facilitating the making of super heroes. And my next Campaign for Authentic Self-definition workshop is coming up in the fall. Plus, please post your comments/thoughts here if you feel so inclined.

Personal growth is a choice. What are you choosing?
www.tobeconscious.com

Clutter: Detoxing from the BS in our lives

Clutter.

1. a confused or disordered state or collection. 2. a confused multitude of things.
3. unwanted echoes that interfere with the observation of signals on a radar screen.
American heritage dictionary

I have a young cousin named Lauren who mistakenly misspelled the word thing as thag. And in the normal tradition of my family (specifically my mom and two aunts who conference call with me every single night) we adapted this misquote and added another “saying” to our vocabulary.

So, the thag is this. Clutter. I saw an organization expert yesterday on Oprah who said that two thirds of the country is living in clutter behind closed doors that have reached a crisis point. At first I was astonished to consider this because I’m the type of person who literally can’t function in disarray. I mean, before even sitting to write this blog, there were a few things I had to do in order to sit peacefully and un-bugged. For instance, I felt the need to put away the dishes that sat in another room feeling like they would pull my energy away from the task at hand if they remained there drying. Same thing with the green pen lying on my desk that I felt needed putting away in exchange for a blue pen because I was tired of writing with green. Finally I had to make sure my bamboo plant, and computer speakers were angled properly so that I could feel clean, clear, distraction free! I also changed the direction of the shoes that line the front entrance of my apartment just because it would make me feel better. Compulsive? I don’t know, but I think you get the point.

But the thag is, upon closer inspection I realize this sense of myself being unable to move freely in clutter is not completely true. Not true if we consider that our homes are not the only things that can be in a disordered state. There is plenty of room to overstuff our lives with junk including in our relationships, our bodies, our goal planning, creative processes, spiritual practices and finally our personal narratives. Well Jodi, (we – my father’s side of the family – say this with a long drawn out southern accent whenever we are simply outdone) I see a yellow light flashing, and if many of you are like me, you need to watch for the warning signals too.

Seriously, how many of you are hanging on to things in your life that should have been long disposed of? Are you hanging on to friendships that are nonreciprocal? (Been there, done that!) What about clogging your focus with the personal development of another human being that “ain’t” your child? Check. Then, as Webster defines clutter, there’s the pervasive trend to fill our lives with things in a disorderly manner. How many of us attempt to fill voids in our lives with inappropriate partners, or vain ambitions or the latest fashions, books, food, drugs, gurus, sermons, anti-depressants or any multitude of things? We’ve all done it. Many of us continue to without realizing the toll it takes on us physically, spiritually and psychologically. That void or rather our personal and difficult confrontations with feelings of hollowness can be addressed in much healthier manners. Instead of cluttering our lives until the point that we’re busting at the seams, we can choose to confront the underlying issues in our lives that often times go unresolved and wreak havoc.

Here are some suggestions to begin un-stuffing the emotional clutter of your life.

1. Do a personal inventory. Make a mental list of everything that needs to go. This will be necessary in every area of your life. Allow yourself to sense the places, people, situations that adversely affect you. When you feel uneasy, stressed, or depressed with a certain person, or in a particular environment, or in certain situations, this is a sure sign that an energy drain is occurring. As my mom would say, walk the dog! Do what you gotta do to make some radical changes. Cut some people loose. Get a new job. Find a diplomatic way to get something off your chest that’s long overdue – it’s ALWAYS okay to establish, and re-establish personal boundaries when necessary.

2. Get help. This is often times the hardest thing to do, but can have the greatest impact on your personal wellbeing. Although change is a constant part of life, it is difficult to navigate for most of us. There is nothing wrong with seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist to help you sort through the emotional clutter that compromise your sanity. Perhaps quite literally, you need the help of a professional organizer to help transform your home into a personal oasis, or a Life Coach to help synchronize your personal and professional goals. Whatever it is, don’t chew your cabbage twice. Stop talking about the problem and get on with getting the help you need.
3. Be kind to yourself. Please show yourself some compassion. De-cluttering can bring up a number of hidden issues. Our lives don’t reflect chaos because we are bad people or something is inherently wrong with us. The chaos is always a representation of something going on at a deeper level. And often times what’s bleeding on that deeper level is quite painful. You are not alone. None of us are insulated from the hazard of being broken while we live. It’s soooo okay to take the time and find the process you need to most successfully heal yourself, change your life. In the meantime, breathe. Cry. Release your inhibitions and the habit of caring about what other people think.
4. Take baby steps. When we first begin to do a personal inventory of what we need to let go of, we can easily become overwhelmed. There’s just so much stuff in our inboxes, mailboxes, basements, attics, relationships, etc. Decide to tackle one area of your life at a time. And make an agreement with yourself to do one little thing each day, or week (whatever feels comfortable for you) that will have a direct impact on clearing out your life. And then stick to that regiment by continuing to get rid of something different until all the rubbish is gone.

It really can be rejuvenating. I know for sure because I tried it again last week. Although embarrassing to admit, and my girlfriend and I had a fab laugh about it, I just parted with a gift given by an ex-beau from 1991. Not so bad that it was a gift, right? But the thag is, it was a cute little, very innocent red lingerie top and bottom that had become so worn 10 years ago that I had to pin both shoulder straps after they’d torn from repeated washing. (I didn’t care, it was satin so the red color never faded – holla!) But the thag that broke the straw happened last week on the 4th of July when I decided it should be my personal independence day. I woke up with the intention of cleaning out any closets, files and notebooks that needed de-cluttering so I could be clean, clear, distraction free. (You know me, right) Well Jodi, there wasn’t any clutter to clean – that I could clearly see anyway. Fab, I thought.

It wasn’t until later that night after getting out of a delicious shower and feeling lovely that I realized I did have some clutter that had been overlooked for years. When I went to step into my 16 year-old red, satin PJ set, I realized 1/2 of the crotch had been torn in the last laundry cycle. Urgh! Now you know I did not want to part with those babies. I could hear the thoughts flooding my head, “oh, just ask ma to sew it”, or “wait ‘til the other 1/2 tares, they still fit.” And in a moment of clarity, I pushed those thoughts aside and realized I had kept this worn out gift from an ex-beau through every relationship that followed. In fact, after a quick personal inventory, I realized I’d kept and worn a torn (repeated wear) gown of my grandmother’s from the time she’d passed and a number of other clothing articles for years. Too many years.

Clutter is often about the past or future, and both directions rob us of being in the present. The goal: to stop being stuck in the past and future. Be here, now. As for me, I gathered and dropped off 4 bags of clothing in the Salvation Army bin in my neighborhood last week. And after last week’s incident, I finally parted with the red satin PJ top too. You gotta start somewhere.

Neycha

Personal growth is a choice. What are you choosing?
www.tobeconscious.com